Recent weeks have been spent on reflections.
Loads and shit loads of thoughts..
Sometimes knots can never untangle themselves.
Those permutations of incepted ideas..
Somehow if I cant change the situation
Maybe I’d change myself to adapt and prepare for it.
Sometimes I do wish I was a boy..
Funny how we were just talking the other night..
On first impressions.
About making unnecessary judgements and then being judged back.
We cant complain really..
But we complained anyway.
What goes up will come down eventually.
If you ever judge people, just have to be prepared to be judged back.
And if you cannot trust people, dont expect people to trust you.
If you see everything with cynicism, it's only natural that they view you with cynicism.
Judging sometimes makes people feel empowerment..
It allows inferiority to take a step back, raises that confidence level.
Or even perhaps judging makes you feel smarter.
It's free from responsibilities (and from the law)
But after making derogatory statements on others,
Does it really make you feel better?
Perhaps it does, if you delude yourself.
Used to detest it,
Hated people who judged me even before they knew me..
But I soon realized..
I do judge people myself.
*****
The clock goes ticking into the silence of the night..
The routine lies..
First alarm switched off and I await the other one..
Somewhere somehow I dreaded the msg tone.
It came as a distasteful and intruding penetration through the quiet dawn..
I jumped and I felt silly for jumping.
Those jitters..
Begone!
The cold sweat.
Cant my heart stop beating that wildly..?
Grab my stuff in pitch blackness
Rushed to the toilet
Rushed to wash up.
I forgot the bread, again.
And perhaps I should change my ring tone
Or change me.
*****
This platform’s my mean to jot down thoughts that I wouldn’t wish to scribble all over whatever papers I can find.
I’m quite surprised by who really reads it at times.
Of course the first reaction was WHAT THE HELL
But I gradually felt amused with the LOLs buzzing around me.
Perhaps keeping mum is also known as being dense.
SO am I really?
*Smiles*
How often have we come across scenarios..
When we thought the situation might seem to be like that..
Actually turned out to be the very opposite.
We spend time making self righteous comments, prophesize what could happen..
Which in fact those times can be used on more constructive realization of ideas?
Then again
People seldom see it till they are far too ill and bed ridden to realize they could have done so much more.
Things that we were so in awe of sometime back,
May lose its lustre somehow some day.
Imagine you snap a picture at a particular angle..
What are the odds of capturing that exact same shot again?
Nothing’s forever, really.
Because people do change.
Youth, thoughts, likes and dislikes, fashion sense..
Kinship, relationships, friendships..
Why is that so difficult to trust each other?
If we thought we wouldn’t do this and this now..
Don’t claim it.
Such words are jinxed.
Had a conversation with daddy over dinner yesterday night.
I was sort of guilt stricken to have put my words across so forcefully.
The dispute among the elders has absolutely nothing to do with me.
Who’s right who’s wrong..
Are we in the place to judge?
Everyone’s actions are based on their perspectives at that point in time.
Something they deem right there and then.
*****
Turned my palm facing myself facing up so that I can see the white side.
Now I cant see the other black side.
Yes I can position my hand to see part of the black and part of the white..
Still I cannot see the whole of the black and the whole of the white.
Tell me how to see both sides of the same palm..?
*****
We are always too fast to judge and too slow to reflect upon ourselves.
I'm guilty nonetheless.
Then again,
Reflections are useless if we merely think about them.
Old habits do die hard.
Saying sorry doesnt mean anything if we keep repeating the same mistake.
I'm tired,
The camel's back is breaking.
*****
